A Time to Remember
by Dramamama5
Summary: He chose to leave... they chose to let him. Now that Christmas is, once again, upon them... will any of them get what they truly wish for? Sometimes going back is the only way forward.


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters of NCIS LA. Just borrowing.**

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi there. Well, better late than never. Here is the next step in the story. Here is the order of the stories so far. 1) On the Other Side of Fear Lies Freedom (crossover with NCIS) 2) The G. Callen Job (crossover with Leverage) 3) A Time to Remember... which you are about to read.**

 **All of my stories interlink in one way or another. This one will reference the story "G. Callen Doesn't Do Christmas" in particular... there is also a light reference here and there to the story "As Designed by Hetty". Just in case your are interested. Please take a moment at the end to leave a review. As always, I simply ask that you be respectful and constructive with your criticism. I love hearing from you. I am currently working on the next one. It's going to be a longer story so it may be a few before I get it posted. As I have mentioned before, I only post once the story is complete... other than editing, which I do several times. Thanks for reading!**

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When Callen left Eliot's house he'd told him he'd be going home. Truth was, he had no clue where that was anymore… or even if one existed. He had thought it was the OSP. He'd been wrong. Not the first time he'd made the mistake of believing he belonged somewhere.

He'd allowed Eliot's team to get in his head. So, he decided to hitchhike his way back and clear it before doing anything stupid.

As he got closer he realized the holidays were fast approaching. Callen wasn't one for Christmas. It was a family holiday and despite his best efforts he'd never truly achieved that. There were other reasons he avoided the holidays. It was a bad time of year for him all told. His nightmares increased in intensity. Memories best forgotten were more vivid. It seemed the vaults in his mind that were closely guarded the rest of the year were sprung open and let loose to roam freely, wreaking havoc with his mind and emotions. If he had even half a brain he'd avoid anyone and everyone until after the holidays, when he'd managed to get all the runaway memories back under lock and key. Yet here he was staring at his sister's house.

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"Hey, Marty", Ana called out as she entered the bullpen. "Where's Kensi?" she asked, looking around.

We had just gotten back from the boatshed and decided to shower. She takes twice as long as I do." Marty quipped, "What about you? How are you doing? You okay?"

"I'm fine… little bruised but I've been worse," Ana shrugged as she placed a bag containing a donut on everyone's desk followed by a cup of coffee each. The fourth desk remained empty, representative of the absence of one of the best partnerships NCIS had ever seen. It had been the better part of three months since Callen had left and Sam had taken leave. Neither offering much hope of their return. While Sam did stay in touch with the rest of the team and had agreed to bring the kids to the Christmas party, Callen remained in the wind.

Despite even Hetty's demands, Eric refused to do a search. He said it was because, in this at least, Callen scared him more than anyone… including Hetty.

"Ana! You're here! I was afraid you wouldn't be up to coming back today after that take down this morning."

"Hello, Kensi. Yes, that could have gone smoother but nothing will keep me from the Deekses Christmas Extravaganza!" Ana finished dramatically, her hands spreading out in front of her.

"Yeah, well, I don't know about extravaganza, but hey, we'll be together… most of us anyway," Kensi let the last words slip out in a whisper.

Marty knew how much Kensi cared for and missed Callen. He was her mentor and had become much like a brother to her over the years. Even though he assured her Callen still cared, proven by the warning he gave Marty before leaving of what he would do if he didn't take care of Kensi. She was still overwhelmed with guilt for her lack of trust in him.

"Hey sweetie, Ana brought you an early Christmas gift" he motioned toward the pastry bag and coffee sitting on her desk.

"Uhm, yeah, thought we could all use a pick me up to hold us over till we get to your house." Ana added.

"Hey, guys," Nell greeted as she entered the bullpen with Eric in tow, "Who's ready to party?" she asked, taking in the sober mood of present.

"I don't think you made the eggnog strong enough for this." Eric whispered.

Ignoring him, Nell forged on, "So, will your moms be joining us?" she asked in reference to Julia Feldman and Roberta Deeks.

"Not this time. They decided to go to a party at a friend's house tonight." Kensi explained.

"Fear not! They cooked their little hearts out for us first." Marty assured them.

"So, Nell, how is Hetty doing?" Kensi asked as she glanced over towards Hetty's office where she sat hidden behind her laptop, "She's still coming, right?"

"Yes, she's coming. She's just really hurt and concerned. She misses Callen. Gibbs hasn't had an update in a while. I guess a friend of Callen's contacted Ziva and said he thought he was headed this way but that was over a month ago and nothing." Nell replied with a shrug.

"Did Ziva say where exactly he was last?" Marty asked.

"East coast", Eric confirmed.

"Well, I'm sure he's okay," Ana stated with more confidence than she felt.

"Ana's right. Callen has stayed alive through everything the past few years. He's probably found some place to hunker down for the holidays." Marty agreed.

"I say we get this party started" Ana encouraged the now somber group.

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It was 7:00 when they met at the home of Kensi and Marty Deeks. One by one they entered their home, carrying with them their holiday cheer and a touch of sadness. So much had happened in the past few years, leaving a whole lot of scars and very little healing.

"Nate Getz!" Kensi squealed as he walked through the door with Hetty.

"Hey Kensi. Just finished a long mission and Hetty insisted I take some time off. So, where better to spend Christmas?" Nate explained as he was welcomed in. It had taken a long time to earn back the trust of the remaining team members after what had occurred between he and Callen on the JDX case. He was relatively sure Callen would never fully forgive him and likely never trust him again… at least they were civil with one another.

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Callen stared at the small two-story brick house. He wasn't sure what led him to be there. Was it because he honestly believed his … their father would be there? He shook his head. 'No, the coward wouldn't dare risk it', he thought. Perhaps he was the coward because he knew coming here was a mistake. Callen picked up his duffel and turned to walk away.

Alexandra had remained to the side of the window watching as her brother just stood there staring back at the house. She wondered why he didn't come to the door. Why he seemed so uncertain. Then when he turned to leave she stepped out onto her front porch. "So, what, you were just going to leave? No 'Hey, I'm back after three months of worrying you. Merry Christmas'? " she called out.

Callen stopped and looked back over his shoulder at the woman on the porch, hands crossed in front of her chest. Slowly he turned to face her. "I'm sorry… I didn't mean to worry you." he offered.

"Mhm…. Yet I get the feeling you worry a great many people when you do this sort of thing. I just took a lasagna from the oven. There's plenty. Looks to me like you could use a good meal or two or three." She replied with a smile.

Callen looked around as if expecting someone. Alexandra didn't miss the motion either. "Assuming someone was actually able to follow you undetected, it would be safer inside, don't you think? It's Christmas Eve… even bad guys celebrate Christmas. Come on, Jake's waiting."

With a sigh, Callen climbed the steps and followed her into the house but not before taking one more look around before closing the door.

As they sat down to dinner, Callen took note of the holstered gun his sister wore.

"We missed you…" she stated as she handed him a plate of lasagna and salad, "How are you Grisha? You find what you were looking for?"

"I'm good… I'm fine… and no. Not exactly sure what I was looking for anyway," Callen answered. "I see you took my advice regarding you getting a conceal carry permit."

Callen had taught her a few basics before he had left. He then encouraged her to pursue getting a concealed carry permit. He warned her she needed to take care and gave her a lockbox which contained new ID's, passports to match, burn phones and an envelope of money should they ever be needed.

"Yes, I decided you weren't going to use my safety as an excuse to avoid us the way Garrison does. I have also been taking self-defense courses and the like. Jake's taking karate. He's a natural." She said with a smile.

"Wow, I'm impressed." Callen returned the smile.

"Well, then, I count that a success as I figure you are not easily impressed." She returned with a smirk.

When dinner was done and Alexandra had finished cleaning up, she entered the living room as Jake was busy peppering his uncle with questions, "What was your favorite Christmas as a boy?" he asked. Alexandra saw the shadow that fell over Callen's countenance.

"Jake, leave your uncle in peace. I'm sure he's tired from traveling. Go get ready for bed and I will be up to tuck you in." Alexandra admonished.

"Ahhhh, do I have to?" he whined in return.

"If you care one bit if Santa makes a stop here,mn then yes," she responded in all seriousness.

"Okay, goodnight, Uncle Callen", Jake complied regrettably, "You'll be here tomorrow, right?"

"Oh, uhm…" Callen stumbled.

"March mister or you'll be tucking yourself in." Alexandra ordered following the boy up the stairs.

After adding another log to the fire, he sank down onto the couch and leaned his head back. He was surprised to find himself almost relaxed. He didn't think that was even possible anymore. He let his thoughts drift back in time. He remembered all the Christmases he'd spent with the Hannas. Michelle had always insisted he stay Christmas eve for fear he would find an excuse to bail the next day… until THAT day. After that, everything changed. He understood it would be hard for Sam and the kids, so he didn't expect much. He just never thought Sam would exclude him altogether. Perhaps that was the beginning of the end. Maybe Sam blamed him for not saving Michelle. Only right, since he blamed himself.

"Penny for your thoughts," Alex stated as she came to sit down next to him.

"Nothing worth that much, I assure you." Callen replied.

"I highly doubt that. I'm glad you're here. Thank you for coming back. You are the best Christmas present I could have asked for." Alex stated.

Callen looked at her, not quite sure what to think.

"So, what really brought you back to LA?" she asked.

"What do you mean? It's Christmas. Isn't that what families do? They get together and celebrate the holidays?" he bluffed.

"Normal families maybe but we both know Christmas isn't something you tend to do. So, I repeat, what really made you come back?" she argued.

Callen looked at the woman next to him. He leaned forward and rested his head in his hands as he collected his thoughts.

"I did come back with the intentions of spending Christmas with you and Jake… until I got here. Then I realized you deserve better than to be saddled with me and my problems. I've spent the past three months searching for something I couldn't find." He explained.

"For what?" she asked.

"That's just it. I'm not sure anymore. Time, space, what I was feeling in regards to the team, the job, Hetty, Garrison… Figuring out who or what I am now."

"What did you find?" she asked quietly.

"Honestly, I don't know. I don't know any more now than when I started. Save one thing." Callen replied.

"And what's that?" Alex urged, though she already guessed the answer but wanted the conversation to continue. She'd missed her brother, missed their talks.

"The only way I'm going to resolved anything is by coming back." Callen sighed.

"So, you're staying then?" she stated more than asked.

"Yeah, for the time being anyway." Callen answered, surprised by the excitement in her voice.

"That's great! I am so happy." She smiled, "You can stay here."

Callen sobered, "No, thank you, but that's not a good idea. I'll find a place."

"But why? I've got plenty of room."

"No… I know… it's just not safe long term…"

"Grisha!" she scolded.

Callen chuckled, "Alex, I appreciate the offer but the truth is, I don't sleep much and when I do… well, just trust me on this. I'm not a good houseguest."

Deciding not to argue, she opted to change the subject, "Hetty must be glad you are back."

"Wouldn't know, since I haven't told her yet and to answer your next question, no, I haven't told the team either." Callen answered.

"Why not?" she asked confused. She knew they'd had a parting of the way but he never said why. Garrison had told her how grateful he was that the team had been there when he couldn't be. Now, however, it appeared he'd pushed everyone away and it worried her.

"Have you heard from Dad lately?" she asked, regretting the inquiry instantly up on seeing the dark look the question received.

"No, have you?" he answered.

"No"

"For the best," he grumbled.

"Why would you say that?" she asked.

"Just trust me on this." He stated lowly.

"Okay then. So, I'm confused as to why you came back if you don't intend to let them know."

Callen let out a long sigh, debating what to tell. How much to share…, "Before I left… you took me to a bank to get something from a safety deposit box, do you remember?"

"Yes," was the expected reply.

"Okay… I found information in there that proves pretty much everyone I trusted has been lying to me for basically my whole life. Garrison included." Callen explained angrily.

"What? Why? Are you sure?" Alex asked in disbelief.

"Oh, yes, I'm sure. While a lot of the information was still cryptic in nature, pictures don't lie. I came back to get the answers I need as to why they felt the need to keep secrets… to lie to my face. My own FATHER!" Callen spat the last sentence fighting to control the anger.

"Then you need to talk to them. Ask them." Alex reasoned.

"And I'm just supposed to take their word for it… believe that they'll be truthful… NOW, after all these years of lying? No. The answers are out there and I will find them and then I will confront them. That's assuming Garrison ever bothers to show his face again." Called seethed.

Alex's heart ached for the pain her brother had suffered at the hands of those he trusted so much. A trust so rarely given. No wonder he left.

With the feeling of the relaxation of moments before now gone, Callen rose to his feet and headed for the door.

Alex stood as well and reached out to touch his arm, "Listen to me. You are my brother. I don't know what our father did or any of them for that matter… but here, in this house, you are loved and you are wanted. Don't you ever doubt that."

Callen looked up and met her gaze, "Thank you for that. It means a lot."

"I think I'm going to go get the gifts for under the tree. Care to help play Santa?" she winked.

"Do I get the cookies and milk?" he asked, the anger from before now safely tucked away behind the very careful barriers he created in his mind.

"I get one sugar cookie… deal?" she asked, relishing the grin she received in return.

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"Your moms outdid themselves!" Nate said as he finished his dinner. "I can't remember the last meal I ate that was this good."

"Agreed." Sam stated remembering the meals Michelle used to make.

"Stick around… you ain't seen nothing till you come for New Year's dinner." Deeks grinned.

"Remember when Callen showed up for Christmas dinner at our first place?" Kensi asked in general.

"Yeah, he looked like he hadn't eaten in days." Sam sighed at the memory.

"If it wasn't for your mothers I don't think he would have then either." Nell chuckled at the memory of Roberta setting a plate in front of him with no option but to eat.

"Mama Deeks can be very convincing" Marty stated. "Can't decide if he simply didn't want to hurt their feelings by refusing or if my mom actually scared him."

Sam actually laughed at the memories the conversation brought to the surface. It was a welcomed sound that hadn't been heard much since Michelle's death and Callen's departure.

"What's that, Sam?" Nate encouraged.

"G. Callen never showed fear in the field. He rushed suspects head on even though they were shooting at him. I've seen him drop a room full of bad guys on his own. I've heard him go head to head with Hetty and Vance. Still, one look from Michelle. Now, in the field… as agents… they were equals. At home… if she said jump, he asked how high", Sam explained.

"It was her home. He would never disrespect her." Hetty stated, "to risk things with her meant possibly losing you, Sam."

"Really… hadn't thought about it that way before… Michelle loved Callen."

"I know, it showed… he cherished her friendship." Nate stated.

"Well, I wonder where he's sleeping tonight and if he's eaten." Kensi wondered aloud.

"I'm sure he's fine." Marty assured her yet again.

"He's probably somewhere remote in order to avoid the holidays. You know what this time of year does to G." Sam stated sadly. Despite the aforementioned Christmas… he knew Callen had never been able to shake the ghosts that haunted him every year at this time.

"How could we forget," Eric stated. "That was the last time we had Christmas here."

"Yeah, do you remember the look on his face when he opened his door to our caroling?" Nell laughed as the others joined in.

"I was half expecting him to shoot us after his reaction to the Christmas tree lights when he came home." Eric stated honestly.

"Sam's family was our saving grace that night." Kensi replied softly.

"Remember the food she fixed to fill his fridge and freezer?" Sam asked, "Man, she worried over him. She thought he was starving if he wasn't sitting at our dinner table. Thought he needed someone to watch over him."

"He sure didn't go hungry with that haul." Marty stated.

"I remember he was taken back by the kindness." Hetty stated absently.

"If you are going to walk down that path, then remember some of the fun moments", Nate suggested, attempting to steer the unavoidable conversation into a more positive direction. He had so hoped they would have worked things out before Callen had had the chance to leave. Unfortunately, the hurt was too much on all sides.

"Like the day Hetty messed with his head over assessment. Remember?" Marty threw out.

"Oh, yes! He was so sure she was playing mind games." Kensi laughed.

"Did you ever climb the wall Hetty?" Eric asked.

"Yes," Hetty chuckled, offering no further information but rather opted for sharing a rare insight into some private moments they shared, "I guess there's no denying he is a cheeky little bastard," she began as she garnered several chuckles across the board. "One evening after a particularly difficult case, we discussed the reality of death. I told him I didn't want the big funeral and flowers. I don't do showy. So, what does he offer up? He told me he had heard rumors that Owen was going to have me stuffed in a life like pose in his office." Hetty's voice softened as she became caught up in her memories, "He always came over on Christmas and we'd share a drink and a meal. Then we'd just sit for a chat by the fire. We neither had family to spend the day with and he hated intruding on Sam's time with his family… I miss our boy."

"He was never an intrusion." Sam grumbled, "Hard headed mule."

Everyone chuckled, "He always knew just how to push my buttons and then sit back and grin while I imploded. Michelle would always laugh when I complained. She'd say it was a good sign… that she'd worry when he stopped. She'd be scared as hell for him right now… and equally ashamed of me." Sam spoke quietly.

There was a marked silence which was only interrupted by Marty, "One time I told him the safe word was noodles, before walking into this tense situation, Callen chose then to say if he heard me say noodles he'd shoot me himself."

"Probably would have too" Sam grinned.

"When Marty and Sam were taken and tortured by Sidorov… it was a long time before Marty would let me in, do you remember that?" Kensi asked, knowing it was still a touchy subject, even after all this time. "I was so worried, scared and alone. When I would be close to hitting my breaking point, Callen would just show up on my doorstep with a pizza in hand and let me choose any movie I wanted… didn't matter… he'd watch it. When I would choose a sappy chick flick, he wouldn't question the tears, he just held me while I cried, listened when I'd rant and spar with me till I wore myself out. Never demanded a thing, just came to be there." Kensi wiped a tear away with the tissue Nate offered her.

"Yeah, well, what I remember was the day I came back. That first day was terrifying. He never said much all day long. Just kept his distance and watched. While I was packing up to leave for the night, he finally approached me… said he didn't want me there… that I was a danger to myself, the team, my partner and until I knew what I wanted, he didn't want me there. At first, I was angry but then I realized… that was the most honest thing anyone had dared say to me since it had all taken place. In that moment, I knew I wanted to be here and nothing or no one was going to stop me. He always seemed to know what was needed to keep the team stable. He knew I was undecided and his ultimatum would force me to choose a path and move forward."

"He saved my life." Eric said, "by bringing me to NCIS, he gave me a place where I would belong. Where I was respected. I don't want to think what would have happened to me if he hadn't bailed me out of that trouble and allowed me a chance to use my talents here instead of being used by less than honest people."

"A very long sit in prison comes to mind." Hetty smirked, looking over the rim of her glasses making Eric squirm at the memory.

"He always made me feel like I belonged and was needed here. After I shot and killed my first bad guy, he stayed with me until I convinced him to leave only he didn't… leave. He sat in his car all night… watching… then would grab coffee and donuts and show up on my door as if he'd been gone all night. You know, Callen is so much smarter than he lets on. I mean, we all know his skills as a field agent but… it's more than that. He's no dummy around computers. He can do any of the things he requests of us. You saw that for yourselves. He gave Beal a run for his money. When push comes to shove, he didn't really need us. It was us who needed him." Nell said sadly.

"But he did need you… all of you.", Nate argued as he looked to each person in turn. "You all grounded him. You gave him a sense of belonging and purpose. Yes, he's been good as a one-man team for nearly three years but he isn't better for it. If anything, he needs you more now than even he realizes or will admit. All those years, he focused on what you needed as part of the team without allowing himself the same.

"Mr. Getz is correct. Mr. Callen never had a family to lean on before us. He would have done anything required of him to keep this group safe and whole." Hetty affirmed. "From the time he was a boy, he fought to protect others… the younger children in the foster homes and facilities… He even took the beating in order to protect a foster mother who was being abused by her husband… and he protected himself. Always loyal to those who showed him kindness but never trusting them to do the same… and for good reason."

"You make him out to be a saint, Hetty." Sam stated, "he never trusted us."

Hetty looked at Sam thoughtfully, "On the contrary, Mr. Hanna. I believe he did. If he hadn't, he wouldn't have been so angry or hurt. No, I quite think he did… and…" she said with a chuckle, "Mr. Callen is certainly no saint. When I think back on all the scrapes he got himself into as a teenager and… well… Mr. Callen has his flaws, as do we all. However, when you think of the life he was forced into as a young boy and to do all that he has done? It is hard not to be proud of all he overcame."

"So, that's all well and good, now that we've blown it." Eric grumbled.

"Not all is lost, Mr. Beale", Hetty reassured him. "It has been said that sometimes you may have to fight a battle more than once to win it. Mr. Callen will show himself eventually and when he does, we will fight for him."

"Hetty's right. It won't be easy. You will be starting from scratch to gain his trust. Callen isn't used to giving second chances to those who have hurt him. It's not in his make-up but the potential is there." Nate confirmed.

Silence fell over the room as thoughts of the daunting task ahead of them settled in.

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"Are you sure you don't want to stay the night?" Alex asked as Callen hefted his duffle and bed roll onto his shoulder.

"Trust me on this… my staying here is not a good idea." Callen answered with a sad smile.

"If you are worried about the nightmares, you don't need to worry. You had them last time you were here. We were fine." Alex reasoned.

"They are worse this time of year… I'll be fine."

"Where's your car?" she asked as he headed down the walkway.

"Don't have one."

"You don't… you don't have one?" she asked… "So, what? You just gonna walk?"

"Yup… or I'll hitch a ride. Got me here from the east coast. Took a while but hey, I'm here." He joked, laughing at the shocked look.

"I can't believe I have to remind you just how unsafe that is, Seriously? You know, you are never allowed to tell Jake about this escapade… hitchhiking…" Alex scolded him lightly, shaking her head.

Callen just chuckled, "Merry Christmas, Alex" he waved as he walked away.

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"Thanks for everything" Sam hugged Kensi then offered his hand to Marty.

"Glad you guys could come." Kensi replied, "You kids get enough cookies to take with you?"

"Yes, thank you" Aiden replied as Kamran held up the container with a smile.

"Tell your moms their food was awesome" Eric said.

"Will do… just plan on New Year's Eve here and they are also planning a yummy dinner on New Year's Day" Marty offered.

Just as they were all heading out the door, Eric's phone sounded an alarm startling everyone.

"Beale! What is that?" Nell asked.

"It's the alarm for the office. Something must have tripped it" he replied as he dug his phone from his pocket. A moment later they watched as the color drained from his face and his eyes widened.

"Mr. Beale… are you okay?" Hetty asked, concerned.

When Eric failed to respond, Nate tried, "Eric, what's going on?"

He looked up at the concerned faces in front of him before replying, "It's him. He's back."

"Who's back, Eric." Sam asked.

Eric turned the phone so everyone could see the video taken by the OSP security cameras. "Callen… Callen is back."

They all looked at the video in disbelief as Callen turned and looked directly into the camera, a look that he usually saved for intimidation when interrogating a suspect. It was a look as if to assure them all that he knew they were watching…

The daunting task they spoke of only moments before… began now…


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